I've talked a lot here about methods for enduring abusive bosses and co-workers.  Some of these tips come from your comments and e-mails, some from the No Asshole Rule, and some from academic research. But I have only presented these tips in bits and pieces, so I thought it would be useful to list some of the most effective methods in one place.

Before I get to the rest of the tips, one is in a class by itself:

So here are my top tips for coping with workplace assholes that you can't escape (at least for now):

 1. Start with polite confrontation. Some people really don't mean to be assholes. They might be surprised if you gently let them know that they are leaving you feeling belittled and demeaned.  Other assholes are demeaning on purpose, but may stop if you stand-up to them in a civil, but, firm manner. An office worker wrote me that her boss was "a major asshole" (he was a former army major, who was infamous for his nastiness). She found that "the major" left her alone after she gave him "a hard stare" and told him his behavior was "absolutely unacceptable and I simply won't tolerate it." This is also pretty much what Ron Reagan (the late president's son) told me on his radio show about how he dealt with assholes, as did a fashion model who described a constructive way to confront an asshole

2. If a bully keeps spewing venom at you, limit your contact with the creep as much as possible.  Try to avoid any meetings you can with the jerk.  Do telephone meetings if possible. Keep conversations as short as possible. Be polite but don't provide a lot of personal information during meetings of any kind, including email exchanges.  If the creep says or writes something nasty, try to avoid snapping back; it can fuel a vicious circle of asshole poisoning. Don't sit down during meetings if you can avoid it. Recent research suggests that stand-up meetings are just as effective sit-down meetings, but are shorter; so try to meet places without chairs and avoid sitting down during meetings with assholes whenever possible - it limits your exposure to their abuse.

3. Find ways to enjoy "small wins" over assholes.  If you can't reform or expel the bully, find small ways to gain control and to fight back -- it will make you feel powerful and just might convince the bully to leave you and others alone. Exhibit one here is the radio producer who told me that she felt oppressed because her boss was constantly stealing her food -- right off her desk. So she made some candy out of EX-Lax, the chocolate flavored laxative, and left it on her desk. As usual, he ate them without permission. When she told this thief what was in the candy, "he was not happy." 

4. Practice indifference and emotional detachment- learn how not to let an asshole touch your soul.  Management gurus and executives are constantly ranting about the importance of commitment, passion, and giving all you have to a job. That is good advice when your bosses and peers treat you with dignity. But if you work with people who treat you like dirt, they have not earned your passion and commitment. Practice going through the motions without really caring. Don't let their vicious words and deeds touch your soul: Learn to be comfortably numb until the day comes when you find a workplace that deserves your passion and full commitment.

5. Keep an asshole diary -- carefully document what the jerk does and when it happens. Carefully document what the jerk does and when it happens. A government employee wrote me a detailed email about how she used a diary to get rid of a nasty, racist co-worker ‘I documented the many harmful things she did with dates and times.....basically I kept an "Asshole Journal."  I encouraged her other victims to do so too and these written and signed statements were presented to our supervisor. Our supervisors knew this worker was an asshole but didn't really seem to be doing anything to stop her harmful behaviors until they received these statements. The asshole went on a mysterious leave that no supervisor was permitted to discuss and she never returned.'  Similarly, a salesman wrote me that he has been the top performer in his group until he got leukemia, but his performance slowed during chemotherapy. His supervisor called him every day to yell at him about how incompetent he was, and then doubled the sick salesperson's quota. The salesman eventually quit and found a better workplace, but apparently because he documented the abuse, his boss was demoted.

Robert Sutton is Professor of Management Science and Engineering in the Stanford Engineering School, where he studies the links between managerial knowledge and organizational action, innovation, and organizational performance.  He has authored several books including most recently (with Jeffrey Pfeffer) “Hard Facts, Dangerous Half-Truths, and Total Nonsense: Profiting from Evidence-Based Management” (Harvard Business School Press, 2006). His new book, “The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t¸” is published by Warner.  He can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it  

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